Jody's @ MHCC

Closed ... as predicted by Kania Tiko. On the bright side, the location is just too good to go to waste ... so there'll eventually be another eatery here for us to scrutinise.

The MHCC complex has added a fast food place on the ground floor (on the Renwick Rd side) which the LiS team is duty bound to find out more about.
The interior looks like a typical fast food chain, obviously they've looked at the Macca's of the world and tried to copy what works. I can say that the ordering process is efficient and well thought out, however one doesn't always understand what the attendant is saying - the dude rattles off the options at a rate of knots in a language believed to be English.
There are a selection of toasted sandwiches, this is the pick of the bunch - egg with Jody's fire sauce (which seems to be some sort of Tamarind and chilli mix), but after eating one can't help but think that one could do a better job at home. Scramble some eggs, toast some bread, put on some tamarind chutney and tabasco, and you have a quick tasty breakfast. Kudos to Jody's for giving me the idea, but it's unlikely I'll be going back there for this one.

This the menu, it has far too many things on it.
This is a chicken burger - the smallest one that they offer as you can see from the $0.50 piece provided for scale. Its also one of the most boring burgers that we've ever eaten, not actually bad, just completely uninteresting.
This is their grilled fish with coleslaw. An utterly revolting meal - nothing short of a vile, disgusting abomination - in fact worth purchasing just to marvel with ones own senses at how bad cooking can get.
This the CSI pizza, and CSI does not refer to the forensic team that should be investigating the crime against food that the Grilled Fish is. CSI apparently means "Community Sourced Ingredients" which in this case are pumpkin, baigan, and tomato. This actually isn't a bad pizza, which is a good thing as their other pizza options are pretty horrible. This is the only thing I ate that I'd actually go back for.

A note about the price - this place is expensive! All the food above cost $28, and the two grown men eating it were not satiated at all and ended up taking the escalator to eat some noodles at Joji's.

I really have no idea what this place is trying to do, maybe it wants to be Indo-Fijian McDonald's, which might be a worthy goal if they could pull off more than one dish. Perhaps if they cut the menu in half and concentrate on a few winners (fried chicken, Indo-Fijian style pizza, funky roti parcels with some sort of original twist) they could make this work.

Judging by the empty tables we don't expect Jody's to be long for this world. It will not be missed.

In Summary

Jody's

Bottom Floor, MHCC, Renwick Rd Side

Opening Hours:

0900 - 2100 - 7 days a week

Spend:

$15 per person

Rating:

Thumbs-down

Hibiscus Festival 2009

The August school break has come upon us again, bringing with it Suva's so-called 'mother of all festivals,' The Hibiscus Festival.


Unlike past years, the weather has been kind (so far) and instead of the usual mud-pool, Albert Park is instead doing a very good impression of a dust bowl. So dry was it, that there was some confusion amongst the Lunch in Suva delegation as to whether we had accidentally arrived at the Sugar Festival by mistake.

Where the weather may have changed, the prevalance of BBQ stalls has not. The vast majority of stalls offer up the same boring combination: a lamb chop, a sausage, a bit of casava, and a bit of shredded vegetable matter all liberally drowned in the cheapest tomato sauce known to the market. Most stalls now offer a chicken option as well.


For most, the only differentiating factor seems to be the club running each stall (for example the QVS stall pictured above). Association patrons, relatives, and obliged people buy from the stall to whom they owe allegiance. All others buy from the stall that seems cleanest, nearest, or most generous.

There are a few highlights: stalls that attempted something different. Enter the first specimen: Tandoori Barbeque


Still a bit of a safe play for unimaginative punters, but giving the rest of the field a much needed kick up the behind, The Taste of Indian Muglai has seen fit to drop a bit of lemon and spice on their lamb and chicken, call it 'tandoori' and they seem to be doing rather well out of it.

Here's a little video of the process. There's no tandoor in sight, but we mustn't allow that to detract from their achievement.

Also worth a try are the Bombay kebabs from Aashnas stall (who also offer the more traditional, non-bbq form of tandoori chicken).


The kebabs are cooked out the front of the stall, on metal rods, charcoal beneath and an unusually hot Suva sun above.


The kebabs are served in a paper cup and are topped with green mango chutney.


Kania Tiko believes these to be both spicey enough and oily enough to merit a pairing with beer.

Doner kebabs have also put in a token appearance.


The wrap was a thick roti. The only sauce available was tomato. The meat was unremarkable. The salad of no consequence. And at $6 a serve, this otherwise welcome deviation from the line of bbq stalls wanders too far off the price/performance curve to be worth your while.


The Bible Society burger stall has become somewhat of a fixture at the festival.


In the past these burgers have been very good. The first year, they seemed serious about passing the taste test: mustard, relish, mayo and good tomato sauce were all part of the burger.


This $4 burger has since fallen on hard times.


A bit of lettuce, a slice of tomato, a few slivers of onion and a Foods Pacific lamb patty do not a good burger make. Reduced to a shadow of it's former self, this may now well be the worst performer on the Hibiscus dining price/performance curve.

And now, a few general comments:

First, this 'flame' falls deep in 'WTF' territory. Lunch in Suva objects to this waste of good cooking gas.


Second, it's a sad day for Fiji when carnival ice-cream cones are more expensive than a McDonald's softserve.


Finally, we leave you with this strange piece of fiction, designed (we presume) to draw the attention of young children to the sweeties.


You can click on the photo to read the large version. The 'dialogue' on the side of the stall is as follows:

Monkey:
Hey Mowgli come into the festive mood and party with me

Mowgli:
Oh! I'd love to party with u
U've got all my favourite candy floss, pop corn, sno cone and oh u also have my favourite Juice

Pooh Bear:
I hope the monkey didnt notice I took his pop corn

Eyore:
Oh i love my sno cone
yummy

Rabbit:
Hey Piglet
Will Eyore exchange his sno cone with my Candy floss

Piglet:
Well I dont know about him but i know i love my tasty Juice

What more could you possibly say about the Hibiscus Festival?

Tiko's Seafood Restaurant & Bar

So there is this guy, maybe his name is Tiko, maybe it isn't, either way no one seems to give a shit. Anyway so he gets hold of a boat somehow and turns into a floating restaurant. He moors it on Stinson Parade across from Sukuna Park, and starts charging the punters of Suva shitloads of money for steak and seafood. A legend of Suva eating ensues, and for the next three decades people with expense accounts and the bakewa that follow them eat well and in a unique setting.

Now this place is way out of the normal budget usually covered here at LiS, but when there are others willing to pay, and a half reasonable camera phone is handy, one is duty bound to bend guidelines and sacrifice one's time and stomach for a higher principle: "Never miss an opportunity to namu wealthier relatives".

So there is a menu on a blackboard, and the only thing in single figures is the soup, but since you're all like me and eating on someone else's dime, I'm sure you don't give a rats.

As a bakewa with some experience in these waters, I recommend the Grilled Nuqa with Miti, but you are pretty safe eating anything you are not allergic to. The main courses are large and come with either mash, dalo, or chips.

If you are boring, or are either physically or mentally under the age of 12, you could always have a serve of Fish and Chips. At $14 and no different to what one gets from Hook and Chook or Joli Fryer, it isn't a stunner on the price performance curve. Again, I know we aren't paying for this meal, but if we are going to namu, lets namu smartly!


If you aren't that hungry, ask for the entrée as a main. Above is the crumbed calamari and the grilled baby octopus, two entrées put together to make a lighter mains.

One should always eat ones greens, even if one is a freeloading bastard. Get thee to the salad bar and load up on rourou, bhindi, pumpkin, ota, baseisei, potatoes, pasta etc., and try the chilli vinaigrette and the thousand island dressing.


Vegetables are good for you. Eat your vegetables. Especially when they are paid for.

You can get steaks too, Surf and Turf and that sort of thing, I have no idea if they are any good, but one can rarely go wrong with steak.

It is not the best place for a one hour lunch break. Your order will probably take more than half an hour to get to you, leaving you about 15 minutes to wolf down your food and get back to work. You will also need the time to entertain your sponsor with your scintillating repartee and incisive wit (which is the least you can do for someone buying you lunch).

In Summary

Tiko's Seafood Restaurant & Bar

The boat moored opposite Sukuna Park, Stinson Pde, Suva

Opening Hours:

Buggered if I know but its open for lunch on the weekdays

Spend:

Shitloads

Rating:

Thumbs-up (if someone else is paying)

Maya Dhaba at MHCC

If you are well-connected in the world of internet trivia you may have seen reference to a certain raunchy Burger King ad, allegedly tempting the usually staid people of Singapore.

The good people at The Atlantic have seen fit to address our questions about the efficacy of this sort of food advertising. "No!" they say, "sexy ads drown out the product, diminish brand recall, and often don't reap dividends" ... and then embed a plethora of examples to prove their point.

Just because Fiji is spared this sort of advertising, doesn't mean that we are off the hook when it comes to "food with sexual innuendo."

Enter the mighty dhosa: an lusty South Indian delicacy with unavoidable phallic connotations, the signature dish of Maya Dhaba at MHCC.



Undeniable shock and awe value. A tasty, hearty meal, the chicken dosa goes for $8.90; the (vegetarian) masala dorsa for $6.90. Each is served up with a side of coconut chutney and a bowl of sambar.



The biryani ($8.90 for chicken, Goat/Lamb for $1 extra) is also worthy of your attention. Both the biryani and the dorsa are cooked to order.



Tandoori chicken starts at $3.50 for a quarter of a bird. The food warmer offers a variety of meat and vegetable curries in various combinations (with rice and drink) ranging up to $8.50. The usual caveats about eating food with a dairy component from the food warmer apply. Plain and garlic naan are also available.



The ever present scourge of the food court, the coke fridge, offers up the usual range. But! for those of you who demand a more authentic experience, there is a choice of Sweet or Mango Lassi.

An extensive range of Indian sweets rounds out this offering.

For me, the success of this little food court outlet is that every time I eat here, it makes me want to eat at their parent restaurant on Victoria Parade ... though that is an experience better suited to dinner and a larger budget than is sensible for lunch.

Thumbs-up for bucking the boring food-court routine, staying affordable and offering one of Suva's most visually provocative dishes.

In Summary

Maya Dhaba

MHCC Food Court, Thomson Street, Suva

Opening Hours:

Mon - Sun: 9:00am - 9:00pm

Spend:

$3.50 - $13 per person

Rating:

Thumbs-up

Joji's at Fiji Showcase

The annual abomination that is Fiji Showcase has rolled around again. The entry fee to the exhibition has gone up ($3.50 this year), the clown hasn't changed, and the same old exhibitors are touting their wares from the floor.

The "food" offerings aren't particularly inspiring this year either, though I do note and applaud the general effort to keep the number of BBQ stalls in check.

But ... Joji's was there! Yes, that Joji's. The Showcase Joji's is a special chicken-only version of the original from under the Civic Centre. $5 for the 'medium' serve, $6 for the large: in all the usual chicken combinations: chop suey, chowmein, chilli, fried rice and blackbean.

On that note, here's our first Lunch in Suva video special: 'Son of Joji' showing us how they make Chilli Chicken in 2 minutes 40 seconds flat.



Truly, the force is strong with this one: fire, wok and chicken do his bidding.

There are a couple of other stalls that bear mention:

There is a new entrant in the hot-dog category offering a "German frankfurter with sauerkraut". The frankfurter didn't look, taste or speak German (in fact it looked and tasted remarkably like the Foods Pacific 'dog being sold a few stalls down), but the sauerkraut was definitely sauerkraut. At $3.50, this is probably not a valid justification for a trip to Showcase ... but it may help redeem the visit if you were there for other reasons.

Also, worth a mention is the FRIEND's Fiji stall: I'm a fan of their excellent tamarind chutney, and supply of the big bottles is a little irregular in the supermarkets; so get yourself a stash straight from the source.

Most of the other food stalls can be ignored: Wish Bone, Curry House, KFC, et al can be got from their usual locations without paying the $3.50 Showcase tax.

Oh! And someone is selling cans of V for $2.50 each ... that's the cheapest I've seen it in a while.