Monday 6 July 2009

Tiko's Seafood Restaurant & Bar

So there is this guy, maybe his name is Tiko, maybe it isn't, either way no one seems to give a shit. Anyway so he gets hold of a boat somehow and turns into a floating restaurant. He moors it on Stinson Parade across from Sukuna Park, and starts charging the punters of Suva shitloads of money for steak and seafood. A legend of Suva eating ensues, and for the next three decades people with expense accounts and the bakewa that follow them eat well and in a unique setting.

Suva City

Now this place is way out of the normal budget usually covered here at LiS, but when there are others willing to pay, and a half reasonable camera phone is handy, one is duty bound to bend guidelines and sacrifice one's time and stomach for a higher principle: "Never miss an opportunity to namu wealthier relatives".

So there is a menu on a blackboard, and the only thing in single figures is the soup, but since you're all like me and eating on someone else's dime, I'm sure you don't give a rats.

As a bakewa with some experience in these waters, I recommend the Grilled Nuqa with Miti, but you are pretty safe eating anything you are not allergic to. The main courses are large and come with either mash, dalo, or chips.

If you are boring, or are either physically or mentally under the age of 12, you could always have a serve of Fish and Chips. At $14 and no different to what one gets from Hook and Chook or Joli Fryer, it isn't a stunner on the price performance curve. Again, I know we aren't paying for this meal, but if we are going to namu, lets namu smartly!


If you aren't that hungry, ask for the entrée as a main. Above is the crumbed calamari and the grilled baby octopus, two entrées put together to make a lighter mains.


One should always eat ones greens, even if one is a freeloading bastard. Get thee to the salad bar and load up on rourou, bhindi, pumpkin, ota, baseisei, potatoes, pasta etc., and try the chilli vinaigrette and the thousand island dressing.


Vegetables are good for you. Eat your vegetables. Especially when they are paid for.

You can get steaks too, Surf and Turf and that sort of thing, I have no idea if they are any good, but one can rarely go wrong with steak.

It is not the best place for a one hour lunch break. Your order will probably take more than half an hour to get to you, leaving you about 15 minutes to wolf down your food and get back to work. You will also need the time to entertain your sponsor with your scintillating repartee and incisive wit (which is the least you can do for someone buying you lunch).

In Summary

Tiko's Seafood Restaurant & Bar
The boat moored opposite Sukuna Park, Stinson Pde, Suva
Opening Hours:
Buggered if I know but its open for lunch on the weekdays
Spend:
Shitloads
Rating:
Thumbs-up (if someone else is paying)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sad to see this excellent blog deteriorating into sloppy writing and bad language - neither of which are a substitute for content, which used to be available here in abundance. And there was indeed a Tiko - he was Tiko Eastgate and the restaurant was excellent once upon a time. These days, I think, it's owned by the guy who runs the last of the good Chinese groceries on Mark's Street.

Picky Eater said...

Anonymous: your point about the sloppy writing and bad language in this review are well made, and accepted.

I shall give Kania Tiko a little pep talk about the value of research and a thesaurus when I catch him ... and then perhaps for a bit of editing.

Thanks for the background on the name of the restaurant.

One last comment: you said "content which used to be available here in abundance" ... it's all still here, and we've added more reviews this year than the past 2 years combined. So I'll thank you not to generalise one bad review into a deterioration of all of our efforts.

Kania Tiko said...

Picky Eater can kiss my arse. I'm not researching shit, and if you think I'm going to edit or read a thesaurus or otherwise make an effort you are even dumber than you sound.

I agree with half of what Anon says. The writing is sloppy and the language is bad, but if anyone think "content ... used to be available here in abundance" then they must be reading some other blog!

I for one have not "deteriorated", I am as proudly shitty as I ever was!

Simon said...

I thought the post was hilarious. It's good to read an irreverent review that doesn't take itself so seriously. Keep up the good work, LiS!

jonathan said...

The blog has always been full of filthy words so nothing new there.

It's one of the few things that keeps me coming back, actually.